It is pointless to try and reduce science to a simplified black and white. It boils down to this: There is so much wrong with this. Also check out this cisgender privilege list: No one in their right mind is judging you for that. You see, the real challenge in dating a trans woman is that she will mess with your sense of gender and identity.
Many transwomen have brainmaps for female bodies, not male ones.
How to Date a Trans Woman
That having been said, the definitions of sex that you yourself Maria seem to be working with are inaccurate. Not everyone with a penis likes erections or likes to penetrate. Those boundaries must be respected throughout by everyone involved. I cannot change my history of trauma, but I CAN control whether I use that history as a weapon against people who seem somewhat different from me. You can even address it without asking someone about their junk. That could totally happen.
If people in the LGBT community — people you hoped were your allies — told you that just thinking about you made them want to vomit? She just explains any time you talk about privilege you have to talk about intentionality. For the first time in a new situation socially I took the decision to not out myself. So no concepts of masculinity and femininity had been impressed on me as yet!! Thanks for this comment and thanks for the guide!